Today, I was conceived….. shhhhh!!!, my parents don’t even know about this. Like a tadpole I made mum’s womb my pool.
I’m one month and twenty days old today but they still don’t know that I am here. My hands and limbs are growing; my ears are beginning to pick a distant sonorous voice. I think it belongs to my mother, as she sang, a deeper voice told me that her beautiful voice matches her angelic face…
So much is happening in this little body of mine; lashes on my lids, curls on my head, limbs and wrists, ears and nose… But, I still can’t open my eyes.
I wonder why mum and dad don’t talk about me. Just the other day, dad sounded very excited and shouted something like ‘goal!!!’ mum won’t even stop trying different pitches that often make my home in her vibrate. Afterwards, they talk about everything but me, don’t they understand that I need their attention?
I am becoming bigger but this place won’t stop expanding. I can hear mum saying her body no longer feels like her body… finally, the attention. I tickled her womb a bit this morning and she threw up, after which she decided not to attend classes for the day.
Mum throws up again today, it’s being going on for five days now. Dad comes around, and suggests mum sees a doctor, and stop self medication. I think mum should see a doctor too; I hate the fact that she is constantly weak. I also wonder why dad and mum don’t live together.
Dad takes mum to the hospital, and the doctor introduced me to them. I was shocked and excited. Shocked because both my parents never knew of my existence up until now; excited because now I know they would shower me with attention!
Back to the hospital today, the doctor placed something on mom’s womb, I think he gazed at me through it, because he told mom and dad that I’m a girl. Now I know I will be as beautiful as mum, but I don’t think my voice will be as sonorous as hers. I can hear the doctor tell them that I am 16 weeks old and they should expect me in the next 24 weeks, I can’t wait to see them, I hope they can’t wait to see me too.
Mum has been sad for days now, she sobs constantly. She keeps saying she has to go to school and wants no distraction. She keeps saying she doesn’t want ‘it’, that ‘it’ was a distraction and ‘it’ wanted to ruin her future. She says she wants to do away with the ‘it’
I wonder what the ‘it’ is, and why won’t ‘it’ leave mum alone, instead of constantly making her sad. If only I can give the ‘it’ a piece of my mind.
Mum and dad had an argument today over ‘it’… mum keeps saying she doesn’t want ‘it’, and she has no plans for ‘it’, while dad says he wants ‘it’ and would make plans for ‘it.’ Who is ‘it’, where is ‘it’?, if I know ‘it’, I will give ‘it’ a piece of my mind.
Something is wrong, white things are coming into mum’s womb. More liquid are flowing in. What is mum doing? This is getting painful, I have started bleeding. What is mummy doing? Can’t she feel my pain?
I think it’s the end. Mum said she does not want me… all dreams and plans forfeited… I could have become an astute writer or even something more eminent… but I can’t take this pain anymore… I give up. My beautiful skin has become bloody… now I proceed out of mum’s womb not as a living creature I was meant to be, but as free-flowing blood with no essence, no future, no hope! She has done away with me.
My mother, my killer!